So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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