Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
