It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is my gift to your gina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
