God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
