you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
