If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
