Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We have started to decorate penises.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize