Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize