just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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