You work out of a Hotel?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
