***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
