i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
