Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize