If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well you can't waste a boner
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We left the knife in your bed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
