i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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