So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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