Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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