I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
