therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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