oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
