My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
