Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
