We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
