she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
