My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sarcasm needs its own font
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
