So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
