Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
