I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
