You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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