My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
