i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
