So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
