moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
