Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
