I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
