so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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