as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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