Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
