i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
