3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
