flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
