1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
