i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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