I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
