im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
