Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
