thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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