Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
