I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
