she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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