Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
