eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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