Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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