The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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