I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
