God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
