We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
