I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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