does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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