but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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