i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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