i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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