well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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