his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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